From Insecurity to Confidence: Jay Shetty's 7 Science-Based Steps to Rewire Your Brain

Have you ever watched someone with half your talent walk into a room with twice your confidence?

It's one of life's most frustrating mysteries—seeing people who may not be as smart, talented, or hardworking as you thrive simply because they radiate confidence.

I recently discovered Jay Shetty's powerful insights on this phenomenon, and what he revealed completely changed my understanding of confidence. The problem isn't your character or ability—it's your brain's wiring.

The Real Reason You Feel Insecure

According to Shetty, "The reason you're insecure isn't because you lack confidence, but because your brain is stuck in survival mode."

This was a revelation to me. All those moments of self-doubt—when I've held back ideas, declined opportunities, or added disclaimers before sharing my thoughts—weren't character flaws. They were simply my brain perceiving normal situations as threats.

Our insecurity isn't weakness; it's our body's response to perceived risk. The good news? We can retrain our brain to stop feeling threatened all the time.

Let me walk you through Shetty's seven science-based steps to make this transformation.

Step 1: Train Your Brain to Stop Seeing Life as a Threat

Our brains are hardwired to protect us from danger—an ancient survival mechanism that once kept us safe from predators. The problem? This system often overreacts in modern contexts, treating a work presentation like a life-or-death situation.

Shetty suggests a brilliantly simple practice: rate potential threats when you're NOT facing them.

Here's why this works: When you're about to give a presentation, your brain might rate it as a 10/10 danger. But objectively, what's the worst that could happen if people don't understand your idea? Maybe a 4/10 at most.

The practical exercise:

1. Identify situations that trigger insecurity

2. Rate them objectively on a 0-10 scale when you're calm

3. When facing the situation, pause and remind yourself: "This is not a threat. This is an opportunity."

This activates your prefrontal cortex (rational thinking) and overrides your amygdala (fight-or-flight response), allowing you to redirect energy from threat management to growth.

Step 2: Harness Your Unconscious Competence

Shetty explains the four stages of learning that everyone goes through:

1. Unconscious incompetence (you don't know what you don't know)

2. Conscious incompetence (you realize you're not good at something)

3. Conscious competence (you can do it with effort and focus)

4. Unconscious competence (you're so good it's second nature)

The insight that changed my perspective: We undervalue skills that come naturally to us and overvalue skills we don't possess.

The practical exercise:

1. Ask friends or colleagues what they think you're naturally good at

2. Identify skills you perform effortlessly (maybe organizing, problem-solving, or making people laugh)

3. Recognize these as valid strengths, not just "things everyone can do"

This creates a foundation of confidence based on real competence you already possess.

Step 3: Face Your Fear of Not Being Seen (The Spotlight Effect)

Have you ever tripped and immediately thought, "Everyone saw that!"? That's the spotlight effect—our tendency to believe others are scrutinizing us far more than they actually are.

The truth Shetty reveals: While you're worrying about how you're perceived, everyone else is doing the same about themselves.

"People think being confident means being interesting," Shetty says. "Sometimes the best way to feel confident is to be interested."

The practical exercise:

1. In your next social interaction, redirect attention outward

2. Focus on listening and asking questions rather than impressing

3. Notice how much less self-conscious you feel when genuinely engaged with others

I tried this at a networking event last week and was amazed at how my anxiety disappeared when I focused on learning about others instead of worrying about my own performance.

Step 4: Understand the Power of the Sunk Cost Fallacy

This economic principle explains why we continue investing in situations that no longer serve us simply because we've already put time, money, or effort into them.

Shetty points out how this principle feeds insecurity: "Our insecurity stems from the fact we keep investing in things that we know don't work, and in turn, that makes us less confident."

Whether it's a career that no longer fulfills you or a self-image that's outdated, holding on diminishes your confidence because you're constantly fighting against your own intuition.

The practical exercise:

1. Identify areas where you feel stuck but continue investing

2. Ask yourself: "If I were starting fresh today, would I choose this path?"

3. Give yourself permission to reallocate your energy, even if it means walking away

This isn't giving up—it's strategic redirection of your most precious resources.

Step 5: Reclaim Your Control with Locus of Control

This psychological concept refers to whether you believe outcomes in your life are under your control (internal locus) or dictated by external forces (external locus).

Shetty notes that insecurity thrives when we outsource our agency: "We're hoping, wishing, wanting, waiting for something to change without focusing on our own agency and the autonomy that we have."

The practical exercise:

1. Notice when you use language that postpones your life ("if my boss realizes..." "if the universe wants...")

2. Identify one aspect of any situation you can control

3. Take action on that element rather than waiting for external validation

This shift from passenger to driver in your own life creates an immediate confidence boost.

Step 6: Utilize the False Consensus Effect

We often assume our mistakes or quirks are glaringly obvious when they rarely register with others. Worse, when we publicly scrutinize ourselves ("I always hand in bad projects"), we create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The practical exercise:

1. Catch yourself when amplifying flaws ("Everyone can see I'm nervous")

2. Ask: "Would I notice this in someone else?"

3. Stop reinforcing negative self-perceptions out loud

Step 7: Break Free from Imposter Syndrome Using Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive dissonance occurs when your actions conflict with your beliefs. Even when succeeding, you might feel like a fraud because your brain experiences a disconnect.

Shetty's powerful insight: "We struggle to celebrate our wins, but we find it so easy to criticize our losses. We will quickly judge our mistakes, but we will very slowly celebrate our wins."

The practical exercise:

1. Create a "wins journal" to document achievements big and small

2. Give equal time to analyzing successes as you do failures

3. Practice accepting compliments with a simple "thank you" instead of deflection

The Confidence-Killing Habit to Break Today

One immediate change you can make is eliminating disclaimers before sharing your ideas:

• "This might be a stupid question, but..."

• "I know this probably isn't the best idea..."

• "I'm not sure about this, but..."

As Shetty explains, "As soon as you've given the disclaimer, you've put the doubt... into other people's minds, which came from you because you had an insecurity about what you were going to say."

Instead, trust that your experience and intelligence have earned you a seat at the table. Let others form their own opinions about your ideas without planting seeds of doubt.

The Journey to Confidence

What resonated most with me from Shetty's teaching is this: "Confidence is not something that comes easily to anyone. It's something you build."

This isn't about faking it or manipulating others. It's about recognizing the psychological patterns that keep us trapped in insecurity and systematically rewiring them.

By understanding that your brain is often overreacting to perceived threats, harnessing skills you already possess, focusing outward instead of inward, letting go of investments that no longer serve you, reclaiming your agency, recognizing that others aren't scrutinizing you, and celebrating your wins as much as you analyze your losses, you can build authentic confidence from the inside out.

The journey begins with recognizing that you deserve to be heard, you've earned your place, and your brain—not your worth—is what needs adjustment.

Which of these principles will you implement first?